I was momentarily stumped. Not a new feeling with my Tamoxifen addled brain but even so. I was talking to my hairdresser and just told her about running couch to 5km. After the congratulations, she asked me if I’d lost weight.
It was a perfectly polite question and well intentioned. But I was thrown because it just hadn’t occurred to me when I started running that I was doing it to lose weight.
But it got me thinking, why did I start running?
I think if I’m honest there are a few different reasons. Having finished treatment for breast cancer I had been focusing on getting fit again, improving my strength and stamina. There’s nothing like cancer treatment, steroids, hair loss and the rest to leave you questioning whether the person you see in the mirror is really you.
But the other reason I started running was because I was feeling left out. You see since I moved to Ilkley two years ago, I’ve become friends with a group of women who think nothing of running for miles across the moor to go to a hot yoga class. Or mountain biking down down the moor, going to a multitude of exercise classes from Pilates to HIIT and everything in between.
In short — Ilkley is an active town where people, because of the location next to the moor and the Dales within striking distance, want to be on the move, whether that’s on wheels or two feet.
It’s infectious. And despite having not enjoyed brilliant health over the last few years (that would be ME diagnosis in 2012 and then breast cancer in 2018) I’d got to the point where my dog walks were getting longer with more hill climbs and I wanted to challenge myself.
So fast forward past diagnosis and the end of treatment, I found myself in that post-treatment no-mans land. I’d got through the six rounds of chemotherapy, two operations and 20 rounds of radiotherapy and started taking Tamoxifen. All I needed to do was put myself back together. Easy, right?
Baby steps
I’ve long been a believer in making several small changes rather than one huge change that can be harder to start, let alone stick to. So a little idea lodged in my mind. First I gave myself time to get back up to the fitness levels I had before I was diagnosed — daily dog walking duty on the moor and weekly Pilates classes. But I started increasing the length of my walks, taking steeper paths, getting my heart and legs pumping.
And then one day I downloaded the Couch to 5km app, I chose Jo Whiley as my running coach and off I went. I’m incredibly lucky to live a stone’s throw from Ilkley Moor and my goal initially was to run on the moor, but I started small with laps of the tarn, the large pond inhabited by ducks that is a few minutes (warm up) walk from my front door and acts as one of the gateways onto the moor. It was the best of both worlds — I was close to the moor but the path was slightly more even.
Off I’d shuffle, earphones falling out, clutching a water bottle. And I’d walk, then run, then walk again at the prescribed intervals, following Jo’s instructions. It was late Spring, heading into Summer and I figured that if I started then, by the time we hit autumn and the weather started deteriorating, I’d have already created the habit of running.
So, if I didn’t do this to lose weight, what did I get out of it?
A clear head. Emotional and mental clarity — both in short supply for quite a few years. That is the single, biggest, most important side effect of running. I can’t think of anything else I do that leaves me with such a clear head.
Taking Tamoxifen and being plunged straight into the menopause had brought its own challenges — disturbed sleep, achy joints, hot flushes and an erratic digestive system. Moving more and running specifically became the key to feeling human again. To feeling lighter, less anxious. Or it gave me an outlet when the anxiety crept up. I began to breathe easily again.
Almost 18 months after starting to run, I am still running. It’s more sporadic than when I first set out. The Yorkshire winter doesn’t help, neither has a change in daily routine. But I ran 25 miles in December 2020 to raise funds for Maggie’s Cancer Centres, who helped put me back together again emotionally after finishing treatment. My overall fitness levels are much improved and it’s given me a bounce in my step, a confidence I didn’t have before.
And did I lose weight?
I have no idea. I never weigh myself! Being weighed for every hospital appointment during treatment was pretty soul destroying so no, I don’t weigh myself. I don’t even own any bathroom scales.
Physically I felt stronger, and yes my shape changed slightly, but the real difference was the emotional and mental clarity that running gave me. A clear head.
Thanks for reading, Harriet